I'M NOT PREGNANT but...PLEASE lend a hand?

I feel unsettled a lot and own been constipated for nearly two weeks. Also quality generally unwell. If you've be constipated for 2 weeks you better take some laxatives!! If you are for more than 3 days it is time to bring care of it. The nausea is because of the constipation, because your bowel is back up. If over the counter laxatives don't work then you may enjoy to see a doctor. You might have a bowel hurdle!
It is very unlikely you are pregnant if you took 2 cynical tests already and used condoms and bc pills. And didn't hold sex at your fertile time.
Edit: I read someone say a colon cleanse, resembling the stuff you drink before a colonoscopy, Fleets enema, and lone drink liquids, get through nothing for 2 days. But if the bowel is severely hard and compacted, that may not even work. You may call for the doctor because you've been constipated so long, lately don't let it budge beyond 3 days again!!
stomach virus?